"Mommy What's A Bagina?"

It's bad enough to think about that moment when you have to give your kid a sex talk, but this isn't quite what this post is about. It's more watching what you say around your kids, and other people's children for that matter. This has always been a doozy to me. You would think with me currently raising a toddler I would know when I should shut up, but alas, I was born without the "filter" feature on my mouth. My son is a little parrot now, and he always repeats the stuff I don't want him to. And that's on me, but I am even worse when it comes to other's kids. I used to have a pretty bad mouth. (I know, the ones that actually KNOW me are thinking, "USED to??" but I promise I am a lot better than I used to be.) I used to be known for dropping the "C" bomb (C-U-Next-Tuesday...just look at the first letter :p ) and I was really bad about it. I remember one incident in particular that was just a complete fiasco. I was playing cards with one of my friends and her then two year old was there with us. I am super competitive when it comes to card games and when I lose I tend to taunt and talk shit. Well we were into a tight game of Skip-Bo and she was steadily kicking me ass and I yelled out the C bomb, not thinking, when all of a sudden in a voice dripping with innocence we hear "mommy you're a cunt." Cue my shocked face followed quickly by me doubling over in hysterics (because it's totally funny when it's not your kid) and my friend freaking out which made it ten times funnier. It wasn't the first time I made her kid utter obscenities. She was in the car with me a different time and while I was road raging I yelled for someone to get the fuck out of the way and she quickly repeated me. Once again, I was overcome with laughter. Well, I got mine back ten-fold. My son started talking, and started repeating and that finally convinced me to TRY to use my filter. Especially after his month-long stint of using the word "shit" with unbridled frevor. I slowly got better with my mouth, but I had my moments. When I am around my brother-in-law, who is ten, I often slip up. He is a pretty mature kid, so I often find myself saying stuff that I really shouldn't. One of those times was really priceless, and happened not too long ago. I was bullshitting with his mom and older brother about some transsexual and I said something along the lines of "yeah he's totally a guy except for his gaping vagina." To which my BIL says "what's a vagina?" My mother in law was floundering and I was laughing and then she tells me he hasn't had "the talk" yet and has no clue what I am talking about. My mouth will be the death of me one day. I have always maintained that, while I do need to clean up my mouth, I don't want to just sheild my son from cuss words because he is going to hear them elsewhere (especially since we live on a military base full of Marines) and I want him to be able to indentify those words and know they are wrong. Now, this is fine for your own kids if you make that decision, however, watch what you say around the children that aren't yours because their parents may not feel the same. And even if you expose your children to those kinds of words, pick and choose the ones you let him hear, because as I have learned much to my own dismay, they will enevitably utter those words or phrases in a public place and embarrass the absolute shit out of you. Just like when my son told a cashier at walmart that he had to take a shit. It will amaze you how those looks of disgust from random strangers can make you feel like the worst parent in the world. So pick your battles, and try to avoid saying something that is going to get your bitchslapped in the walmart parking lot ;)