My due date was suppose to be November 16th, 2009, which is my husband's birthday. Wonderful present for him huh? Good luck topping that gift! My mom had come to town to be there for the birth. And we had the rest of the family anxiously awaiting his arrival too. I was HUGE. I mean huge. Like I hadn't seen my feet in months, and I was pretty sure I forgot what they looked like.
See what I mean?? This was at exactly 40 weeks, on my due date. So anyway, my husband, mother, and myself all go to my 40 week appointment and are PRAYING that it was going to be good news and it was going to be baby time. They did that awful cervix check and guess what? Nothing. I was nowhere near ready to go. I thought I was going to cry. Actually, I'm pretty sure I did. I was just soooo tired of being pregnant. But never fear, super mom was there. She strong-armed the doctor into setting me up to be induced ASAP. I don't know if it was a moment of weakness, or if he was just terrified of my mom going postal on his ass, but he agreed and promptly came back in the room to ask if the following day worked for us. "Perfect," My mom purred. I love her. We went home and packed my bag and then went out for a birthday dinner for my husband. The next afternoon at 5PM we arrived at the hospital and they began the induction process by thinning my cervix, which took all night. They gave me a sleeping pill and I snored the night away. The next morning, November 18th, I was woken up bright and early to begin the next stage which was an IV of pitocen. I'm pretty sure that stuff was made by the devil, by the way. By about 10AM I was dialated enough for them to break my water. Single-handedly the nastiest feeling in the world. After that, the real fun began. Those contractions rocked my world. The were going off the charts and were not coming back down. And those breathing excercises you hear about? HA! I hated my husband and his little swimmers and everybody was the devil! I wasn't properly educated about the epidural, so I was under the impression it was a one-shot deal. I did not want that mess to wear off before the big reveal so they gave me a little demerol in my IV. I waited and then came the biggest contraction yet and I wanted to punch everybody in the kisser. FINALLY the nurse informed me that the epidural was an IV drip and all they had to do was refill the bag once it ran out. I looked at her and screamed, "Well what are you waiting for, bitch, hook me up NOW!!!!!" I've never seen a medical professional move so fast in my life. I was in so much pain I didn't even feel them stick that ungodly instrument into my spine. But my GOD was it heaven on earth once that bad boy was flowing. I was convinced I was the pretty princess on that planet Mars, ya'll, it was fantastic.
My husband popped in a DVD of my favorite show, Sons Of Anarchy, and it was like McDonald's son, I was LOVIN it! I was drooling over the lead, Charlie Hunnam, and in front of my inlaws, friends, and husband, I announced to them all that I would "fuck the shit out of that man if he looked my way." Yeah, I was that far gone, people. I had some complications a little while after that. My contractions (that I was sooo not feeling anymore) were coming harder than ever and they were constricting the umbilical cord. They put me on oxygen and lowered the pitocen and it helped for a bit. But not long after that, I developed a fever and things went nuts after that. Because my water had already broken there was no barrier to protect the baby so he was susseptible to the infection as well so they decided I was to have an emergency CSection. I was higher than Mt Kilanmanjaro but I knew that I was freaking the hell out. I was screaming at the nurse that she was not taking me anyway until my mom came back inside from a smoke break so she would know what was going on. They rushed my husband out of the room to get scrubbed up so he could be in the OR with me. And then they injected my IV with morphine. I thought I was on cloud 9 before, let me tell you buddy, I was looking down from the top of the universe now. They got me in the room and erected a tent over my belly faster than an Eagle Scout on crack and got to work cutting me open. Meanwhile I can't move my friggin head and a wave of nausea hits me like a bullet train. I tell the nurse I'm going to be sick and she skips away to add some anti-nasuea meds to my IV, meanwhile she's missed the show and I've already thrown up and I'm choking on it because I can turn my head to the side. She finally produces this tiiiiiny little bedpan and turns my head, and my god, it was like the exorcist. (I had green jello about 30 minutes before that, you do the math.) After that, I was back in la la land frolicking through the magical forest. In what seemed like no time, he was out. I heard his little whine and my heart melted. Even through the morphine-induced trip to magic mountain, his little cry broke through and I was in love. I was bawling, and my husband was running back and forth between me and the nurses that were cleaning my little bundle of joy off, just snapping pictures and showing me as quick as he could. I was getting so impatient, I just wanted to see him, but that stupid tent (I was laughing about this, saying it was my son's first camping trip.) was preventing me from seeing him. FINALLY the nurse brings him over to me and lays him down on my dead arm and wheeled me into my recovery room. Oh it was fantastic. I was so excited. The family filed in soon after and came to greet our little King. It's been happily ever after ever since :)
I can't remember what life was like before I became a mom. I couldn't be happier! Thanks for listening about the best day of my life :) And be totally jealous because he's a lady killer, ya'll.
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