Thinning The Herd

When you become a parent, everything about your life changes. I mean everything. Everything stops being about you and your children come first. You go to bed earlier than your grandma because you know you have to get up before the sun. You spend more nights at home with your family than you do out with your friends at a bar. Your wardrobe changes, your attitude changes, your perspective changes, and your friends aren't the same anymore. Or rather, you have changed too much in the eyes of your friends. Having children at a really young age is often tricky when it comes to your circle of compadres. You start to notice that they don't call you as much, you slowly stop receiving invitations to go out, and in some cases, they cease to be in your life at all. A friend of mine recently celebrated the life of his new baby boy. He stopped hanging around his friends as much because he had given up the lifestyle of partying all the time to stay at home with his fiance and their three kids. His friends pretty much rejected him and refused to come see his new addition. They were too focused on getting drunk and high and the couldn't understand why he didn't join in on the festivities. In my opinion, he made the right choice. As a father, he chose to be involved in the upbringing of his children, as he should have. The end result was his "friends" shunning him for it. I try to have empathy for the friends who don't have marriages or children because I know that it's hard, as an outsider, to try to understand that world, but what I don't understand is these people having a blatant disregard for parenthood and the responsibilities that come with it. To them, you give up your life when you have kids. To an extent, this is true, but that doesn't mean there is a ban on fun when you have children. Parents, especially young ones, still want to enjoy their youth. They want to have nights out without the kids, but not everynight every weekend. Just because a kid has come into the picture doesn't mean that person has given up their identity. It just means they have a new nametag to wear. When people ostracize their parent-friends, it's out of pure selfishness. There isn't an excuse to ditch the people you are close with just because you can't understand their decision to play an active role in their child's life. How would you have felt if your parents pawned you off to whoever would take you just so they could stay drunk with all their friends? You would feel shitty and unloved and you would resent your parents for it. You would think they didn't care about you enough to be involved in your life, you would feel unimportant and worthless. You think about that next time you shame your friends for picking their children over partying. Kids grow up so fast, and it's a truly remarkable thing to witness, especially when you are the one who created that life. It happens so quick that you don't even have time to process it all, and the next thing you know, your kids are in school and independent and grown up. These are years we can't get back with our kids. These are years that we want to cherish. You can't press rewind, you just have to make the most of it. And if that means weeding out the people in your life that can't deal with that, then it's for the best and they don't deserve to be a part of this experience with you. When I had my son, my husband had to go to training for the Marine Corps when our little boy was just two months old. And every single one of my friends who didn't have kids completely abandoned me because they couldn't fathom why I would rather spend a Friday night snuggled up with my little one instead of going out to the bar. It really hurt at first, but I realized that people are going to come and go in my life, but my son is going to be with me forever. Personally, that sounds a lot better than getting tanked with a bunch of "friends." Being a parent isn't easy and you have to make a lot of sacrifices, but you will never question if it was worth it when your child shows you love and gratitude for being there for them. It's the best feeling in the world and I would rather have that than a bunch of degenerate jerks for friends any day.