The Fire Is Burning...I Think

As you might have noticed, I'm a Marine Wife, and it's not an easy role to have. You face a lot of difficulties with all the protocol, you never know where they are going to send you, and probably the biggest concession you have to make is your relationship with your husband/fiance'/boyfriend. My husband is currently on his second deployment (in two years) and we have a pretty good dynamic going, but it wasn't always this easy. For all you ladies (or gents) out there that are considering a relationship, or are in a relationship with the military, listen up. First of all, you need to figure out if this is a life that you can handle. I can never stress that enough. Don't sign up for the long haul if you can't even make it out of the gate. These fellows in uniform have a hard enough job overseas without having to be concerned about what is going on at home, or if he'll even have someone to return to. If you feel you can't comprimise your time and energy into making it work, don't even bother to start something. If you can, then you have to do everything in your power to keep the relationship alive when you are seperated by thousands of miles and several continents. The first time my husband deployed it was extremely difficult on us. He had been gone for the better part of a year with training when he shipped out for a seven month jaunt in the sandbox. By this point our relationship was already strained because we had both changed so much and we were completely different people than when the whole process began. He was in full blown Marine mode, and I was 100% focused on being a mom. We were so immeresed in our individual roles that we didn't take the time to try to fit these new pieces of the puzzle together. We both kept a lot of stuff from each other and it just weighed us down. We didn't know how to communicate anymore. I guess we both thought that when he came home we could just go back to the way things were. Boy were we in for a rude awakening. Once he got home and we moved in our new house on base, and after the initial excitement wore off, reality set in. We were left to get to know each other all over again. It was not an easy process. It took a long time for both of us to really open up again. He was struggling with settling back down into civilian mode and dealing with some minor PTSD, and I was having a hard time sharing the reins of parenthood with someone besides myself. It was really dicey there for a while. We finally just broke down and aired everything out. After the talk we slowly started getting things back to a blissful marriage and life was grand. We got in sync and things were great, we communicated and sealed our bond again. Don't get me wrong, it still wasn't totally perfect, we still had our rough spots, but things were a million times better. We finally accepted the fact that it was never going to be the way it was before because we were never going to go back to the lives we had before the military came into our union. But we introduced each other to these new lives, and we did it together and came out of the other end stronger than we ever were. He was only home for six months before he had to deploy again, but this time around isn't nearly as trying as last time. We have learned that it is better to talk it out rather than letting everything pile on until it collapsed. This might sound really easy, but it's not. It is hard trying to understand one another's lives when we can't comprehend what that person is going through. You might think it is more simple to let things lie to deal with later, but in the end it will do more harm than good. You know that you want to feel needed in a relationship and your spouse feels the same way. They might be a world apart, but they are still in your life. We may not get to talk often, but when my husband calls, we talk about everything. We don't sugar coat the touchy subjects because we have seen what kind of harm that behavior provokes. We may not be able to have a physical relationship right now, but we still make it known that we want for one another. It's the little things like that, that may seem miniscule, that make the biggest difference in the relationship. As much as we might change because of all the things that happen, we always remember that we love each other, and there is a reason why we made the commitment to be husband and wife that makes it worth it to fall in love all over again with the new people that we become. They might have changed and grown, but they are still the person you love and that makes all the difference. As long as that is kept in mind, and you never doubt for a second that this is the person you have fought for, you will be just fine.