Labels Mean Nothing But Ink And Plastic

What is the obsession people have with brand-name labels? I don't understand. You go into a grocery store and see a million different varieties of the same food, and usually the store brand is cheaper...and tastes exactly the same as its more expensive counter-part. It really irks me when I see women in California in their velour track suits (with heels, no less), bleach blonde coiffe, Fendi bag, and drinking Evian water. I'm not bitching about Fendi here, I'm talking about the water. The purest spring water blah blah blah they brag. I got news for you ladies, the fish still shit in that water. And it's run through a purifier just like any standard bottle of water, the only difference is you are paying three dollars more for that label. How about instead of spending that extra three dollars a day, why don't you use that money and put together a care package for those lonely troops that are out on deployment? Or you could donate to a chairity? I don't think that would kill anybody. I just can't fathom (especially living on military income with a toddler) paying all that extra money for a label. If you don't need to save those extra few bucks, I'm not mad at you, but how about putting it toward something that is worth a cause instead of flaunting your money in everyone's face with a six dollar bottle of water?

Sometimes You Just Have To Macgyver Shit

Let me paint a picture for you: You are in a department store with your screaming child. You have a cart full of shit and are ready to check out. Suddenly you smell that god awful scent and you know your kid has taken a healthy dump. No problem right? Just go to the bathroom and change them. So you drag your cart into the bathroom, completely unwilling to let it go because you don't want some over-acheiving sales associate to restock your shit the moment your hands leave the cart, and cram into the handi-capped stall to change the funk that has manifested in your kid's diaper. You pull your child out and turn around to pull down the changing table from the wall and notice there isn't one. You open the door searching for one in the open area and it is just not there. So what do you do? Well you're already in there and that shit isn't going to smell any better, so do what any normal person would do and grab a shirt from your cart to lay on the floor. You hunker down to change your kid and realize you forgot to pack diapers. Panic starts to settle in, because if you are anything like me, you have already removed the abomination from your kid's ass and thrown it away. Can't wrap them in paper towels because you know that child is going to pee right through it before you can get a real diaper on them just for spite. You begin cursing in your head that it would make more sense to have a diaper dispenser in there instead of one that sold condoms, tampons, and breath spray. Meanwhile your kid is rolling around and thrashing and has managed to get crap on this shirt you have every intention of paying for (and if you didn't, your mind is made up now). So the only option is to grab yet another shirt to act as a temporary diaper. Once all of this is done, and your kid is clean smelling with a very stylish diaper, you rush to the counter to pay for your stuff. You arrive home and unload your spoils, change your little one into an actual diaper and promptly wash your new, and quite dirty, clothes only to realize, you bought the wrong size. I'm pretty sure emergency diaper does not consitute a viable reason for return. This situation, my friends, is known as the Macgyver. Your situations may not be as dramatic, but I'm sure the parents out there have had their own Macgyver before. Whether it be using wet paper towels for wipes because you forgot to buy news ones, or using your own spit to wipe dirt off your child's face, it is most certainly a Macgyver. I may not always have the things I need at the time for me and my child, but give me a popscicle stick and some paperclips and I can get anything done.

Kids These Days...Or Should I Say Parents.

I just read a status update on my Facebook that a friend of mine posted about other parents criticizing what my friend feeds her children. Please tell me when did it become okay to open your mouth with any kind of open ridicule about how someone raises their child(ren)? Don't get me wrong, advice is okay between parents, but is only warranted when it's asked for. What the hell makes these self-righteous parents think they know better about raising someone else's kids, much less dictate what they put in their mouths? As long as the kids aren't living on a diet of vodka-cranberry and rat poision just shut the hell up. What may work for your kid isn't always going to work for another. I had an incident myself where someone gave me hell for giving my kid sprite zero. I caught so much hell, and finally I lost it. (It doesn't take much for that to happen when my kid is involved.) I promptly told this mother that I would give my kid what I damned well pleased, and informed her that, no, I do not regularly give my child soda, but I was out in public and had no spare juice so the sprite I had in my hand was all there was and I told this woman I would be forever grateful if she just blew her judgements up her ass if she didn't have anything better to offer me than snide comments about my child's diet. The simple fact is, folks, if something is not inheriently harming the child, keep out of their damn business. Obviously that kid's parent isn't doing such a shabby job if the kid is alive and well. Oh, and if you would like to offer input, how's about asking first? If they say no, then shove off. Not so hard is it?